Billy Fellows one-man comedy/music show recorded live aboard Royal Caribbean's Enchantment of the Seas. ~1 hour. Opens with "Dyslexic Anorexic" monologue, followed by celebrity impersonations (Ray Charles, Redd Foxx, Rod Stewart, The Muppets/Kermit/Fozzie/Swedish Chef/Animal), original songs and music videos including "Bein' Bald," "Alottawatta," "As Soon As I Grow Old," "Bein' Ugly Ain't That Bad," "All Those Years of Rock & Roll," "Suitcase," and "American Love Song." Closes with "Old Dog, New Tricks." Professional production with audience member camera quality.
What the Label Says
BILLY FELLOWS
(Followed by oversized decorative initials: an ornate O beginning the word Old, and an ornate D beginning the word Dog, arranged vertically.)
Old
Dog,
New
Tricks
(Black Scottish-Terrier-style dog silhouette at lower-left of the front cover.)
– No additional text (publisher, catalog number, runtime, subtitle, barcode, or copyright) is visible on the front cover.
– Back cover: Not visible in the photo.
– Spine: Not visible in the photo.
– Billy Fellows,
– for almost 50 years, one of
– America’s most respected
– entertainers, presents a
– multi media concert that
– promises to be . . . .
– unforgettable.
– Billy’s classic impersonations, original songs
– and music videos included in this one hour
– performance are:
– “Dyslexic Anorexic” monologue
– “Old Dog New Tricks”
– Ray Charles
– The Muppets
– “Bein’ Bald” with video
– “Alottawatta”
– “As Soon As I Grow Old” with video
– Redd Foxx
– Rod Stewart
– “Bein’ Ugly Ain’t That Bad”
– “All Those Years of Rock & Roll”
– “Suitcase” with video
– “American Love Song” with video
Small print at bottom of front cover:
– Recorded live aboard Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Seas
– © 1999 The Topaz Collection / ASCAP All Rights Reserved
– 14 Hillside Road, Hamden, CT 06518
Content Log
Session (2026-05-28)
Recording Quality
- Looks like it was recorded by a dad with a camera in the back, but it’s a professional production
- Full video recording exists in tape folder (2026-05-28 23-58-54.mkv)
Performance Overview
- Full one-man show aboard Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Seas, recorded in ship’s theater
- Professional production with full band/orchestra backing
- Opens with spoken-word introduction from host praising Fellows as “one of America’s most respected entertainers for almost 50 years”
“Dyslexic Anorexic”
- Extended comedic monologue about aging, weight gain, and medical misdiagnosis
- Setup: Fellows recounts gaining weight, his wife sending him for an expensive physical ($700+), doctor telling him he has a weight problem
- Punchline: “I’m a dyslexic anorexic , I look in the mirror and say ‘Look at you, you bag of bones. You need some Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now. A barrel.’”
- Story about buying a too-small jacket in Brussels and overeating to fit into it
- Closing joke: “What’s my ideal height for the weight that I am? 17 feet, three and a half inches tall”
“Bein’ Bald”
- Musical number with video
- From transcription: upbeat song about embracing baldness
- Lyrics reference “one bowl of prunes,” adjusting to senior life
“Alottawatta”
- Musical number performed with full band
- From transcription: nautical-themed song with extended metaphor about Noah’s Ark and the Titanic
- Features audience call-and-response (“A lot of water!”)
- Humorous lyric about musicians on the Titanic refusing to stop playing
- Key change section joking about accommodating transvestites in the audience
“As Soon As I Grow Old”
- Ballad (Fellows explicitly warns audience “not everything I write is funny” before starting)
- Reflective song about aging with dignity and keeping a sense of purpose
- Performed with full orchestra
- Fellows mentions he wrote it “for my senior friends”
Impressions
- Ray Charles: Piano medley with vocals
- Redd Foxx: “Sanford & Son” style routine including signature “You big dummy!” catchphrase
- Rod Stewart: “Maggie May” performance with distinctive rasp
- The Muppets: Multiple voices including Kermit, Fozzie Bear, Swedish Chef, and Animal
“Suitcase” , The Censor Bit
- Music video presentation interrupted by live censor character named “Ken”
- Fellows sings increasingly suggestive lyrics about a romantic breakup
- Ken repeatedly stops him for inappropriate words
- Running gag: “I saw her snatch a suitcase from the closet” → “You can’t say that!” → clarification that “snatch” means “grab” → next line “I kissed her” → “You can’t say that either!”
- Escalates to the reveal that the woman’s brother is named “Jack” and she’s taking the suitcase “to see her brother Jack off , the train”
- Extended audience laughter throughout the censorship battle
- Fellows improvises additional censored lines
“All Those Years of Rock & Roll”
- Musical number celebrating classic rock
- From transcription: references the “certain things can only bear” , pivotal words that “have to be exactly in the right place”
“Old Dog, New Tricks”
- Closing number of the show
About This Tape
Commercial Release. Released 1999. Brand: The Topaz Collection. Condition: Fair.
Streamed: 2026-05-28 on Twitch.
Archive ID: VHS-2026-668
